I just want life to not be only about school again. All I am thinking about and being busy with is school. I say that I am being busy with school, but that’s not true actually. Sometimes I am and sometimes I am just the queen of procrastinating. Those times I can’t set myself to do homework, ’cause I don’t feel like I’d understand my homework if I did it. Even if I try, I just don’t get it. I don’t know how I am supposed to be going from this to kinda smart in two months, ’cause that’s when I’ll be having my final exams. I somehow need to get smarter, I wish I knew how. You know what? Life sucks when you’re not successful.I try really hard even though no one believes me. I do, I really do, maybe not my hardest, but I try to do what I can. I’ll do better from now on, I promise. And once again I am sorry for being this negative. I am on my period and that makes me thousand times more emotional than usually. I just hope I will feel better tomorrow. For now I am just going to stop doing homework, read a book and then go to sleep. I’ll have to wake up early in the morning tomorrow because of work.
I am sorry, I am really sorry for being so negative on my blog all the time . I don’t mean to, I just need to get rid of these thoughts and feelings. I feel like I’ve done way too less this spring break for school and even though spring break isn’t over yet I can’t stop panicking about it. It’s like I am drowning in my own stress, which sounds ridiculous. I can’t think clear anymore. I feel so stupid and I don’t feel like I am going to make it. School isn’t supposed to make me feel like this, school shouldn’t be such a big deal, but it is. I feel so sad. I wish I was smarter. I wish I was more motivated. I don’t want to be a failure and I want to prove people that I am not, but I don’t know how. ‘Cause I feel like I am failure. Thinking about school makes me feel so anxious and it takes my breath away and I just start panicking and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to cry over this, ’cause it is not worth it. I wan’t to feel okay. I am sick of school making me so sad. I don’t want to be sad because of school. I just want it to stop.
That is what people always say, isn’t it? That we shouldn’t be sad over little things that do not matter. Actually you know what? Life might be short and anything could happen anytime, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to be sad. Being sad is not wrong. It is a fact that you can’t always be happy and that you can’t always stay strong. Just remember that everything will be okay eventually.
You gotta speak up , you gotta shout out and know that right here right now you can be beautiful, wonderful anything you wanna be
I hope I am not coming across as a depressed person, ’cause I am not. I just need to get rid of my negative thoughts. At moments like this I just get really sad because of the thought that I might not be good enough to some people (I care a lot about). That thought is just killing me. ‘Cause it is hard accepting something you can’t have control of. I can’t make them like me and that’s just sad. I probably should not care about it this much, usually I don’t, but at this moment I really can’t help it. It’s in my head and it won’t get out.
I know it is not something you would want to hear, but it is the truth. It is something I’ve realized throughout the years. A friendship might really amazing, but that doesn’t guarantee that it is not going to end. There is not something like forever. Every friendship will end eventually, of course there are some rare friendship which last forever. Just as I said, those friendships are rare and I guess it is good to realize that the (best)friends you have now, might be gone in a few years. I am not being depressed or pessimistic, I am just trying to be real. Also, this is another reason the embrace every moment you share with your friends, ’cause I am sure they are all amazing and I am sure they love you. Make the best of every moment, being mad and mean to each other is a waste of time.
Last week I decided to eat more healthy and try to exercise a lot more. I feel actually really proud of myself for trying this. It is not like I never eat unhealthy food, ’cause I do. I just eat less than I used to and I eat only unhealthy food in weekends from now on. The exercising really hurts though. I have muscle pain all over my body, but it is worth it. I also try to involve my two sister in this, ’cause I want them to be healthy and at this moment they are not. I really hope I’ll inspire them and they’ll try to lose weight.