I don’t know what to do anymore

My life is so messed up right now. I am so upset about school and myself and I don’t what to do. There is just so much sadness inside of me and I don’t know what to do with it. I just want to cry all day long and just don’t go to school. I can’t even handle school anymore. I am just so tired during every lesson. I don’t know what I am supposed to anymore? I do everything I can, I study my hardest and it still not enough. What more can I do? I got two 2’s passed test-week and both tests were the ones I studied hardest for. That just makes me sad. For once I wish I could get a good grade, ’cause I study so hard SO INCREDIBLY HARD and I get nothing good in return. That’s just so sad. What should I do now? It’s obviously that I am too stupid for school. I can’t do anything good. Not even one thing. I haven’t felt like this a long time, but right now I feel even dying would be better. I can’t handle this life anymore. I can’t handle school everyday. I can’t handle working anymore. I am tired. I am so tired. I don’t want to feel like this. It’s not fair. Why is life so cruel to me?

Santa tell me!

Feeling Christmas all around
And I’m trying to play it cool
But it’s hard to focus when I see him walking ‘cross the room
Let it snow, is blasting now
But I won’t get it in the mood
I’m avoiding every mistletoe until I know it’s true love
That he thinks of
So next Christmas I’m not all alone boy

Santa tell me if you’re really there
Don’t make me fall in love again
If he won’t be here next year
Santa tell me if he really cares
Cause I can give it all away if he won’t be here next year

Tomorrow will be so much fun!

I am looking forward to tomorrow, ’cause we’re going with our art class to some kind of museum. Well, to me it really does not matter what KIND of museum it is. I just know it is going to be a lot of fun. We have a great teacher and I got some great classmates, so yeah I can’t wait for tomorrow! Apart from that, I just love museums. I just love seeing art, because you get to choose yourself how you want to interpret the art work. Also we get to shop for an hour or two I guess? And that is going to be a lot of fun too! In short, I am so excited!!!

You and I, that sounds beautiful.

Boy, do you ever think of me? Do I cross your mind as much as you do cross mine? Do you think I am pretty or beautiful? Do you find me funny or do you think my laugh is weird? Do you even realize how much I think of you? Oh boy boy boy, I wish I knew what you thought of me. I wish you liked me as much as I liked you. I wish I just could tell you that I like you and we could be something together. You and I. That’s sounds incredibly beautiful, yet so impossible too.

It’s almost Christmas!

It’s almost Christmas and that just makes me so happy! Even though it’s not something which belongs to my culture/religion, I just really love this time of they year. Everything just feels so much more beautiful. When I go shopping the whole shopping mall is decorated with lights and there are Christmas trees everywhere! Also it’s almost New Year’s Day! So, there is a stall near by the shopping mall which sells deep-fried solid doughnuts, which is something typical for New Year’s Day in the city I live. I just love this time of the year, everything’s so cosy and I can listen Christmas songs all day without anyone thinking I am weird. There’s just one little important things missing: snow. Let’s be hoping for all of us to let it snow this year! I want snow :(

A lot of frustration

One thing is for sure, I totally fucked up my tests. I don’t expect any good grades. Although, I studied so hard. All those tests went like shit. I really don’t what else I can do. I already do everything I can, I try my hardest and it’s still not enough. I just wish I knew how to pass those tests. I am hopeless. I feel so stupid. It makes no sense. I study so so so much and can’t even get a 6 and other people study a few hours yet they get such better grades than I do. It’s just not fair. I hope my parents see how much I am doing for school. I know they’re gonna be disappointed once they hear about my grades, but I really can’t help it.I am too scared to tell them, but I know I’ll have to tell them eventually. I am so scared for my final exams. So so so scared!