I feel sad

I am having this huuuuuge crush on a boy from work and I just can’t stop myself from liking him. Usually when I am crushing on someone I get over it really and easily ’cause they never really know I exist or pay attention to me. BUT THIS GUY is so kind and incredibly sympathetic and that makes me liking him even more. Now and then he even talks to me and I see him at least twice a week. I just wished I could stop falling for him. I thought he might like me back, but today I understood he might not. He was talking about a girl and some people he once hung out with. The coworker with whom he was talking was really negative about the girl he was telling about. So he said ‘No, she is really nice! Also she has an incredibly nice body’. And then I went upset, ’cause I absolutely do not have a nice body. ALSO I still do not know whether he has or hasn’t a girlfriend. It seemed like he did, but also like he didn’t. Get me? I haaaaaate not being liked back. This is the first time I fall for someone who has a beautiful personality besides him being handsome and i just wished once someone could like me back. I am never going to be liked back. I’ll always just keep falling for people and then get hurt. Isn’t that what life is about, getting hurt and then trying to get over it? I guess at this moment I am just too sad to be positive and realistic. ‘Cause of course I do know life is not only about getting hurt or not but it feels like it does right now.

I went to fitness with my sister and after an hour I was bushed. While sporting the only thing I thought was ‘keep going you’ll get skinnier’. I just wish I could feel comfortable in my own skin, but I feel so fat all the time. When I see people who are more curvaceous than I am, but still look so amazingly good, I just don’t understand why I can’t look good?

I suck at this

What if
What if we could go back in time
Would we still love each other
Would we still have fun
Would we still make the same memories
Would you still hug me when I feel sad
Would you still care
Would I still be the most important one?

What if we could
What if we could go back in time
And we would still love each other
And still have fun with each other
And we still would make memories
And you would still hug me when I feel sad
And you would still care about me
And I would still be the most important one in your life

What if
What if we could go back in time
And you and I would still be the same
I wonder
If all of that would be possible
Would I mess up again?

- the past is always around, SG

I feel really sad

The summer holidays are coming and I feel so scared about it. I feel like I am going to feel all alone the whole time again, just like last year. Everyone’s having plans and is going somewhere. I am just scared all my good/best friends are going to forget about me and replace me. It happened once. I don’t trust people anymore, now that a lot of people have been so.. rude towards me I don’t even dare to trust anyone again. Besides that I feel so anxious for next school year. it’s graduation year and I feel like I am not gonna make it. I feel like I am not smart enough for.. school in general. I am not good at a single subject. It’s just sucks, ’cause I feel so useless whole the time. I wanna have faith in myself, but can’t. Apparently I am no use for anything.