I just want him to fall in love with me, but I know he never will. I should stop hoping for it. ‘Cause it hurts. It hurts to know I am not good enough for him. I wish I was.
I am always trying to impress him. I am trying to look better by putting makeup on my face. I am thinking twice as much about what I should wear then I usually do. I am trying to be extra funny. In short I am trying to change myself and I know I shouldn’t. So whenever I realise what I am doing, I stop. It’s not worth any guy or any person to change myself for. I know I am okay the way I am. I might not be perfect or stunning or super attractive. But if any boy is ever going to like me, I want him to like me for the real me. I want someone to like me even though he knows I am not perfect.
I was prepared, but it still hurt.
I should probably stop posting this much lyrics of songs, but this one really describes how I am feeling these days.
My heart is telling me that you were gonna change, but I know
My heart is lying right to my face,
My heart is making up excuses for your ways, but I wish that
My heart knew when I should walk away.
Have you ever had a moment in which you felt so happy, it felt like there were no worries and everything just felt okay. A moment in which you just felt so happy that nothing else really seemed to matter. In which you just were enjoying and living in the moment. A moment in which you felt genuinely happy and felt like you could beat anything. A moment in which you were so grateful for the people who made that moment possible. Who made it possible for you the feel that happy. Ever had a moment like that? I did. I just wish it could be like that again. Unfortunately sometimes things change. That’s how life works. Nothing is ever predictable. Sometimes it can be upsetting, but I guess we forget too easily about how many unpredictable good things happen in our lives too. I had never thought I would get another little sister and I am just so happy I did. She’s the sunshine in my life. Also I would never have expected to be this close to someone and becoming such good friends. I am feeling like I gained another family member. And you know what? I am just so thankful for that. I didn’t ask for it, but it happened and I really wouldn’t want to change it. As I said, life is so unpredictable. And even though I would do anything to feel as happy as I felt in that moment I captured. I know we just can’t always control our lives. I guess it’s for some kind of reason and that’s okay. Just like Charlie from the perks of being a wallflower said “I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.” You know what? That’s so true. Sometimes in life there do happen bad things, but that doesn’t mean we have to get stuck in those moments. We still have the power to make good things happen and try to feel okay about our lives. ‘Cause your life is okay, and if it’s not it will be eventually.
See this heart won’t settle down
Like a child running scared from a clown
I’m terrified of what you do
My stomach screams just when I look at you
Run far away so I can breathe
Even though you’re far from suffocating me
I can’t set my hopes too high
‘Cause every “Hello” ends with a “Goodbye”
But you’re so hypnotizing
You’ve got me laughing while I sing
You’ve got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unraveling
Your love is where I’m falling
But please don’t catch me